GLITTER GIRLS SHIT COBBLESTONE...PART 2

Things that I have been able to do since we've been in Amsterdam...That I TRULY (like if I were honest with myself)  did not take the time to do before...

There have been many, many insights I've had since we have arrived in Amsterdam...That awesome moment I feel...Huh I would have bulldozed through that before...Yet here I am taking a pause & giving it all room to breathe...

This whole home schooling thing has really been teaching ME how to be a better MaMa...And better human in general.  Not sending them off to school in a hectic schedule, then picking them up at 3:45 to shuttle them to various lessons...Only to come home exhausted to a dirty house from that morning...Or well from a long, long time of putting things off...Called since we moved in 10 years ago...

I actually made my bed this morning...I KNOW!!!! I don't think I've ever...Maybe seriously ever made my bed before.  Not only that I clean up the dishes pretty much as they are made.  It all very much makes a caring perfect rhythm sense.  Actually having time to tend to things as they arise.  To actually have resources and energy to be able to care for my family.  I am seriously delighted and PSYCHED! But that's not the awesome part...There's more... Relieved huh?

Now I've never...ever been that mom that shows up with muffins & organic apples ad homemade granola...I just could never get myself together to be that mom...I've always done really cool, fun things with and for my kids...Yet not snacks. There were many days that I'd forget a snack for my kids after school...Before hours and hours of dance classes...I know! Shitty right...Yet true...I just forgot or was too busy going to dance class myself...So I ended up buying them Doritos in the Dance Dimensions hallway...Or I'd pick up the smoked almonds at Target & call it a good day...Here I get to think of the details of what, when & how much they put into their bodies.  I have time to notice that I think Ara is eating a little emotionally right now...Due to missing her friends...And rather than let her go down that very unskilful path...Figure ways to help her process her emotions. Rather than being the exhausted, irritated martyr...I actually enjoy caring for them.  Stuart too...

I told Stuart how much I loved caring for all of us right now.  Yet then I pointed out the cool thing though is I see a transition coming up here. I will be teaching the girls how to make food for themselves and clean up after themselves...TO BE ABLE TO BE RESPONSIBLE AWESOME HUMANS...And let me be clear...My little girls are going to be BAD ASS culinary chefs...DUH I theoretically knew all this was good...Just was always too busy having a fun wayyyyyyyyyyy too busy life.

Along the same lines...I used to ignore bickering between my girls...Which in retrospect is not very much.  Yet still exists & is annoying.  I now have time to meet their emotional little selves with where they are and what they need.  Now I'm not the typical Boulder parent...I can be quick to say "KNOCK IT OFF"...Yet here I am WAY LESS reactive...Well HUH...As I write this...Maybe it was me who screamed at them walking out of the house this morning to "quit fucking fighting"...YES...I am a F BOMB dropper...I cannot tell a lie...Sorry MOM. But yes it did come out of my mouth...Yet then I had a walk down the cobblestone to compose myself and act appropriately.  I can then talk to my girls about who they really are...The amazing giant souls they really are...And then we talk pro actively about how we can be AMAZING, RESPONSIBLE & SKILLFUL...As opposed to our small self acting all wild like...WE all are learning this lesson...Old & young...

As far as actual homeschooling goes...I personally had a horrendously hard time learning when I was younger.  I was lost most the time & it was painful & embarrassing.  Thankfully when I got older I took learning into my own hands & eventually received 2 master's degrees with 4.0's  BOOM... What was the difference? I found what was meaningful to me...Every night we read from a children's history book called A Child's History of he World by Virgil M. Hillyer.  We started way back with the big boom, cave men, then the stone age to the iron age, the Nile river, hieroglyphics, governments...We are now talking about the Rosetta Stone...I read to the girls over candlelight...Then they color what was important to them from the story.  We have a lot of drawings with cave girls in tu-tu's...We then have lengthy discussions of how and why the world and humans evolved...So instead of a lot of facts fragmented in their brain, whizzing around without congruency...They are embodying human beings and their lives...And that is so very beautiful & meaningful.  I as well am learning...I feel like we are all filling in a foundation of knowledge to build from... Making all these facts true to the heart. Creating curiosity and care for the human soul...And what's possible...

Every night we have Sleepy Time Tea together.  Truly this is the highlight of every ones day. Sleepy time tea, candles, warmth, attention, stories of the day & every ones Top 5 favorites.  At Shambhala Family Camp we spoke of BELONGING...The fundamental importance of it for the human soul...Regardless of age... This is our BELONGING HOUR...Feeling so connected & loved.

So being a development psychology junkie...Simply adoring process and human rawness...Extremely curious to personal and family growth potential...I always go back to my FAV...  Winnicott and the Good Enough Parent...Am I a perfect MaMa...UHHHHH HELL NO...As mentioned before I drop the F word like no body's business, I'm moody & reactive, I'm a bit haphazard...That being said...I actually really love myself...Think all the above mentioned is quirky, funny & charming...AND...SO VERY MUCH of where I come from is LOVE...My children are told they are loved a million times a day...They say it back freely and fully. We are in the transition of all becoming a bit more independent in the world.  In terms of emotional refuelling...My children (and now husband-thank goodness-sorry about the time lapse Stuart)...KNOW CELLULAR LY that I am an ocean of LOVE TO FALL BACK INTO AND DRINK FROM...HERE'S TO LOVE. I guess what's also lovely to point out is...I'm also here for myself to fall back into.  A big gift here is that when i spin out...Which I do...I have a calming atmosphere in which to find myself...Whether it be my meditation cushion, the cobblestone beneath my feet, a hug...Or my happy hour beer while the kids feed the ducks...I can count on me.

Stuart left for London yesterday. I as worried that I might feel isolated and fearful.  Although I miss him dearly...Funny it would have been my old habit to write "WE"...Yet I take a step back...Differentiate us as merely a big "family lump" which is not sexy in the least...And say deliberately...I MISS MY HUSBAND...Not even my husband...I MISS STUART...

Here's to the complexity and beauty of LOVE & RELATIONSHIP...

NUTS & BOLTS OF GOODNESS...Actually having time and desire to hand sew my children's stuffed animals. To actually more often than not actually look at and ooh and ahh over my children's drawings. To make beautiful caring snacks and meals.  To hug my husband...Like REALLY HUG HIM...Like how I hug my kids hug him...To take many, many walks.  To be patient enough to actually let all of us find peace & quiet.  To get a band aid and kiss the boo boo rather than dismiss it.  TO SIMPLY ENJOY. To rest in what's important.  

It's kind of weird to be so very peacefully immersed in my world right here...When my home of Boulder is in crisis mode.  So while I hold Boulder & the pain in my heart close...I love and feel gratitude for my here and now...BOULDER MY HEART IS WITH YOU...WHAT A CRAZY WORLD WE LIVE IN...

MUCH LOVE GLITTER GIRLS HIT COBBLESTONE PEACE OUT

GLITTER GIRLS HIT COBBLESTONE...BOOM

HELLO FINE PEOPLE WE LOVE & ADORE. WELCOME TO OUR BLOG! Disclosure=I will never write grammatically correct...I often write in caps...No I am not yelling...Just super excited...ANDDDDD I will not write for you I am writing for me...So... Subscribe at your own risk...

GLITTER GIRLS HIT COBBLESTONE

With The Man WE LOVE...Our Sweet Heart Stuart Davis...Otherwise known as Daddy &/or Heart Twin...

We made our way haphazardly on cobblestone.  The Davis family hand holding train interspersed with the girls rainbow happy dress and our black chic.  Cars and and bikes were zipping left and right and all around. So very fast and whirl-windy.  We were oh so jet lagged.  Kind of a weird bardo of isolation and drowning.  Slow sleepy yet externally the world so fast and busy...Our first stop was the grocery store.  We mostly got there easily with only a few wrong turns.  Stuart got angry with me because I stopped several times asking people for directions. With a silly grin on my face & my pippi long stocking pig tails.   It is obvious he is so afraid to be associated with the loud, stupid American's...Hysterical.  Once we got into the store...Why yes that's when I got horribly overwhelmed...What I knew was the Dutch speak English...What did not occur to me was that EVERYTHING would be written in Dutch...Seriously people I could not even tell for certain I was buying tooth paste or HEMORRHOID creme...You laugh yet...I'm serious. 

Yesterday was a beautiful reassuring day.  Stuart and I woke up early.  We drank coffee while I unpacked.  Within 24 hours our houseboat feels very sweet & comfy like home.  We've hung tonkas & twinkle lights.  PICTURES OF OUR FAMILY.  It is beyond magical.  When the girl's woke up we slowly made our way into our home school groove.  Ara has begun Narnia while Aja is in love with Frog and Toad.  They read all snuggled on the bright red love couch-we've deemed it.  

After we read we walked the streets to the Botanical Garden's.  A peaceful haven within the bustle.  We purchased year long passes here.  I think this is an ESSENTIAL idea...With all the rainy cold days in our future...There is a tiny quaint butterfly fly pavilion, a large dessert area that is dry and hot, and a rainforest room that is warm, humid & soothing...I may set up camp in this room come December!  The botanical Garden's are literally a block from our home...This feels blessed.

Not to mention there is a KILLER cafe' with INSANE arranged bouquets of GOD FLOWERS...And pigeons walk around on the ground as beautiful people eat their buttery croissants with a glass of wine...

Afterwards we stopped at a pretty park by the canals with a giant wooden tree house.  We climbed together in the enchanted treehouse simply happy.  We watched a swan as we sat in a Davis puppy pile in the grass. HAPPY.

FUNNY...KIND OF...Today we bought brownie mix to celebrate the fact The Davis Girls survived our first solo METRO excursion!!! We made our way home dropping all of the random things we decided to buy at the grocery at least several times onto the street...Reminder to always cary a empty tote bag with me...You never know when you will need to buy a yummy warm baguette and some cheese...And well some brownie mix...So we get home so very excited by our first cooking endeavor.  I know this will help ground us and feel like home...Warm brownies right!?!?!? Well I stare blankly at the dutch instructions on the back of the package,,,Yet really how can making brownies be so hard...I haphazardly translate grams to cups and make the rest up...Then finally figure out...We do not have an oven...Yes true.  Just a microwave...An old microwave that has all the numbers worn off...Yet a manual...A dutch manual...AWESOME...So we figure out how to bake brownies in a microwave by pushing this one particular button over and over again until cooked...Same end result...YUMMY BROWNIES. YAY US. I do hesitantly look forward to the holidays and not baking with a heavy heart...I tell myself we will have to suffer with Coq Au Vin and buying warm croissants at the local market...Yes I know...We will be fine...Just a slight hiccup.

THERE IS SO MUCH TIME AND SPACE HERE. SO. MUCH. TIME. AND. SPACE. I could cry tears of joy...And perhaps suffocate at the very long pregnant pause of time...and...space...IT IS PROFOUND. Because we are home schooling there is no hustle & bustle in the morning...and let's be honest folks this is where I used to lose my shit on a DAILY...Screaming get into Jeep, one shoe on one shoe off, breakfast in hand...Driving like a maniac to Niwot Elementary, lecturing my poor girlies on timeliness, being responsible & asking the girls if they noticed NO ONE (Stuart) helped AT ALL this morning...YEP. NONE. OF. THAT. My central nervous system already profusely thanks me...It is not just our schedule that has settled and opened. My whole cellular being has exhaled...I have time and space to just BE.  I can loosen the fuck up...I can sit quietly...I can unwind, I can exhale...I CAN HUG MY GIRL'S FREELY & OPENLY...I have time to rest in them...And MYSELF...

Every day I walk the beautiful brick sidewalks over stunning bridges to my gym.  Every day I listen to hip hop with my hair in braided pig tails and my big BEAT earphones on.  MY HEART AND SOUL expands out into the big magical city and my feet stay grounded to cobblestone.  I always get tickled by the outside patio bars opening early in the morning.  I told Stu living here makes me want to smoke cigarettes & drink hard alcohol...And I mean that in the healthiest way possible!!! Today I saw a beautiful old man sitting at a cafe at 10 am drinking a glass of wine & reading peacefully...I FELL IN LOVE. 

We went to the BEACH...

Words cannot describe the peace, beauty and happiness we all felt...Dare I say Stuart even enjoyed sitting in the sand, absorbing the sun & feeling the waves coming into us...

Home Schooling is going great so far.  Every morning the girls wake up and snuggle in their pj's and slippers reading Narnia & Frog & Toad.  We are all on a learning curve on map reading 101 the city.  The city is not a grid like many American cities.  There are a million little roads going this way & that...Today after the girls read we will make a grocery list of priority.  See the funny thing is...GULP...The funny thing is that we are slowly running out of cash & for whatever bizarre reason most places only accept cash...Crazy right? We need desperately to open a bank account yet there is CRAZY red tape to do so...Stuart is on it though...Thankful for my Stuart.  Anyways...I digress...We are going to make our grocery list...Walk over to the market and do some serious Euro subtraction.  I am HAPPY.  LIFE IS SIMPE & I AM PRESENT AND I AM THANKFUL.

STUART AND MARCI DAVIS=REALLY COOL COUPLE.I don't mean this like ooooh la la aren't they rad cool.  I mean this like...Well...It's really hard to stay together in a long term relationship & still like each other...And still love each other.  I am not saying we are the ideal couple...AT ALL... HA HA HA!!! I am saying that I am touched and impressed by our commitment to try over and over and over again in the midst of the daily grind.  With all our defenses, wounding and shadows...Here we are...HERE WE ARE...Witnessing and welcoming LOVE. Witnessing and welcoming reminders, shimmers, lightening bolts of how true our love is.  Broken tired hearts and all.  Part of present moment here in a large part is seeing and feeling my husband again...I had not truly felt and seen Stuart...For what seemed like a really, really long time.  I am grateful for this time together.  Emotions hit HIGH & LOW on this very little houseboat.  In addition to the fact we are SUCH dramatic beings.  You've caught me in a light happy moment...You should have felt my insides when I wanted to BASH he & his loud chomping potato chip mouth beside me in bed...So...Uhhh...There is a new rule...No eating in bed...For everyones safety...It's a mixed bag of love.  I am thankful to at least have quiet, humor & insights around my contractions & the smaller ME.

PS PEOPLE...I HAVE A HICKEY ON MY NECK...Classy NO...But pretty awesome after 11 years of marriage and 2 kids...BOOM...YES.

I know we are privileged.  I know to count my blessings. Cause things change dramatically in just a blink of the eye...Right now I will give THANKS.  Today I LOVE DEEP AND FULL AND HARD AND PASSIONATELY...Cause who really knows...STOP AND SMELL THE FLOWERS... 

LOVE THE GLITTER GIRLS & THE MAN WE LOVE